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(Editor’s Be aware, this letter was written earlier than Doc’s dying in August, 2020 however nonetheless related as Doc’s ideas are timeless).
Hello Doc,
I met Pasha on-line just lately and have spent the final two months chatting along with her by messenger about thrice per week for hours at a time. (I’ve simply learn a few of your columns and have realized that I may be making some errors.) I felt like I used to be getting pretty near Pasha, joking round along with her and speaking about all types of stuff. We haven’t truly met in individual, however we’ve exchanged images.
Final week I came upon from Pasha that she simply acquired a boyfriend. I congratulated her on having a boyfriend. She stated that one other one among her man buddies who she was speaking to on-line acquired offended at her, saying “How may you do that to me once I such as you?” She requested me if we have been nonetheless buddies, and I stated I used to be pleased for her and jokingly added, “If it doesn’t work out with this new man, I’m nonetheless right here.” To which she replied, “You wouldn’t wanna date me anyway. I’m annoying.”
Pasha defended her new relationship. She advised me that her new boyfriend will not be the kind of man she usually goes for and that she’s taking it gradual. She’s a shy lady and hasn’t been in a relationship for a yr, and doesn’t appear to be the kind to play video games with guys, particularly a number of guys on the identical time.
Now that Pasha has a boyfriend, I’ve discovered myself desirous about her much more. I’ve been questioning whether or not or not it’s a good suggestion to ask her out, as a result of that method I can see how I really feel about her. It may be simpler to maneuver on if I discover there’s no spark between us.
Is it a good suggestion to remain buddies with Pasha, and if the time comes when she’s single once more to try to transfer in on her? And at last, may or not it’s that I could have missed out as a result of I didn’t get face time along with her?
Thanks on your assist prematurely.
Fraser – who’s at a loss for what to do
Have you ever checked out Doc’s newest FREE video: WHAT TO DO AND NOT DO ON A FIRST DATE (REMEMBER, THE NEXT VIDEO COMES OUT ON 2/19/2023 AND IT’S ABOUT HOW TO STOP OBSESSING OVER SOMEONE YOU WANT)
Hello Fraser,
Once I learn a primary sentence like yours – that you simply spent hours speaking to somebody you’ve by no means seen, which is a big mistake straight out of the gate – it makes me marvel what number of different errors you’re making on high of that one. You’re not simply making one mistake by on the spot messaging with this girl – you’re opening up the floodgates for what’s to return.
To you Psych majors, you can not get near a girl with out face time. The only objective of on the spot messaging is to do it solely a few times — then go and meet her at Starbucks. That’s the proper process, and deviating from it means bother. Speaking for hours on finish to a girl once you haven’t handed the Bodily Attraction Check is like driving previous the financial institution, throwing a bunch of bucks into the air and hoping that in some way they’re going to finish up in your account. You wouldn’t do this, would you, Fraser? Effectively, that is even worse.
Now let me get this straight. You advised Pasha that if issues didn’t work out along with her new boyfriend, you’re nonetheless going to be round? Wow — you sound like an enormous Problem, man! This woman goes to must work actually laborious to get you! However critically, like most weak males, you’re too accessible, this girl is dying to chase you, she’s determined for some thriller, and also you’re simply an open, boring e book.
It’s very curious that Pasha advised you that she was annoying. Pal, when a lady places herself down, which means she has ZERO curiosity in you. She’s mainly begging you to keep away from her. And who cares what she’s doing with this new boyfriend of hers, whether or not she’s taking it gradual or quick or medium? The purpose is that she’s making out with him and also you haven’t even MET her. All this superfluous info she’s handing you about this man doesn’t imply something. Fraser, you haven’t even set eyes on Pasha in individual. You don’t know a factor about her.
How have you learnt Pasha hasn’t been in a relationship for a yr? Possibly she’s a pathological liar and a consumer and a stroker, have you ever considered that? Oh, however I’m certain she’s a daily wallflower. Counting you and her different offended man pal and her new boyfriend, I depend three turkeys on the road proper now. And it exhibits me how sharp you actually are, my pal. This girl is working an enormous con on you and also you’re satisfied she doesn’t play video games? What this tells me is that your Curiosity Degree is 100% and hers is ZERO. However you insist, with no shred of proof, that she doesn’t work a number of guys. Effectively, she’s acquired a boyfriend, two different guys mooning over her, and he or she’s in all probability on the spot messaging 4 or 5 different saps like your self.
Overlook about taking this lady out, Fraser, There’s completely no spark between you two. And neglect about staying buddies along with her and attempting to maneuver in on her later. This lady wouldn’t exit with you should you have been the final man on the face of the planet.”
Did you miss out since you didn’t get face time with Pasha? That’s the one sane query you’ve requested. Sadly, Fraser, not solely did you miss out by not getting face time in with this lady, you probably did every thing else fallacious too. Simply make it possible for once you order my e book that you simply get the quick downloads as an alternative of ready for it to return within the mail. That is an emergency.
Bear in mind, guys: when a lady tells you that she’s annoying, that actually means she’s aggravated by you.
