30th May 2024
I’ve a really shut pal who’s older than I’m and who has been married for simply over a yr. I spend quite a lot of time together with her—-and subsequently together with her husband. He has at all times been jokey/flirty with me, and I’ve seen this similar habits between him and different folks (being jokey/suggestive together with her different greatest pal as nicely, who brazenly laughs it off), so I had dismissed it as a part of his character and had thought I used to be being uptight or oversensitive to really feel bothered.

Nonetheless, he has lately been messaging me – issues like “night time night time” or “want I have been having dinner with you proper now,” which I’ve often ignored or laughed off, and I’ve tried to trace I wasn’t blissful to obtain such messages. However the closing straw got here when he really despatched an image of his shirtless again and the highest of his bare butt as I used to be leaving for trip together with a “bon voyage!” textual content. I completely flipped and instructed him I used to be very uncomfortable and that it needed to cease. I really feel responsible for yelling at him despite the fact that I had executed all I may to politely discourage messages earlier than it obtained to this! I’m fairly a quiet individual and simply made to really feel awkward, and I really feel he finds this entertaining and takes benefit.

He did apologize, however he nonetheless requested if I’d have an interest “if he have been unattached,” at which level I mentioned he was nonetheless being inappropriate, and I finished replying. As I felt so responsible (for no actual cause???), I instantly deleted all messages and footage, however I’m now involved about whether or not I ought to inform my pal. And if I did inform her, I now haven’t any proof! Worse, what if she sees all this on his telephone and wonders why I didn’t come to her? (Although not less than then she would see I used to be telling him to cease.) She wouldn’t take kindly to this type of factor and I’m positive wouldn’t forgive him, and our shut friendship could be ruined.

I should proceed to spend time round them often quickly, and it has gotten to the stage the place I discover him so irritating and uncomfortable to be round that I don’t wish to be alone with him. I don’t know whether or not to present him one likelihood, and try to see a bit much less of them within the meantime, till I’m sure it gained’t occur once more. Please assist. — Harrassed By Buddy’s New Husband

I feel a method or one other, your friendship together with your pal goes to shift. In the event you say nothing to her about her husband’s creepy habits, she’s going to marvel why you’re abruptly distancing your self from her. In the event you do say one thing, she might not consider you. Or she might consider you however, fairly than punish her husband, she might punish the messenger and drop you as a pal. If it have been I, I’d inform. I’d merely really feel too uncomfortable with the husband to proceed placing myself close to his firm. Plus, I’d need my pal to know what her husband’s as much as. I’d settle for that our friendship could be over, however it’s a threat I’d take if it meant not having to cope with the creep, particularly contemplating that even not telling her means risking the friendship.

My fiancé and I’ve had a beautiful, loving relationship. He nonetheless offers me butterflies each time he walks within the room. We lately had a child and all the things has been nice – he was doting on me and being probably the most supportive loving man. Then I discovered textual content messages from a lady. I confronted him as I used to be blindsided by this. He admitted to dishonest a couple of instances and that he’s a intercourse addict. Since then, he has damaged it off with this girl in entrance of me. However I’ve gone by means of previous emails from whereas I used to be pregnant and found he went on-line searching for associates with advantages, stating he was a fortunately taken man and simply searching for slightly on the facet.

This complete factor has been devastating particularly as a result of there was by no means any indication of his being sad. We even have a really lively intercourse life and he works rather a lot, so I don’t know when he would even slot in associates with advantages. These emails are from months in the past and there haven’t been any since. I must know if I ought to confront him about these or let it go. I really love him and I’m at a loss. — Blindsided By His Intercourse Habit

I don’t see how you progress on with out some remedy for each of you. He says he’s a intercourse addict. Nicely, what’s he doing to deal with it? Is there something he can do to earn again your belief? Are you at all times going to be nervous that he’s dishonest on you? These are questions you’ll do nicely to discover with a therapist. There’s a sample of betrayal and it’s not only a one-time factor. That urge he has doesn’t simply go away. It is advisable really feel assured that he’s getting assist and that the assistance is working. With out that confidence, I don’t see the way you proceed a contented relationship with him.

I met this man lately who requested me out a couple of weeks in the past. I’ve left him hanging. Factor is, I take pleasure in being round him, I’m free to be myself round him, and I miss him a lot when he isn’t round or I haven’t talked to him not less than twice that day. However he isn’t financially buoyant though he has potential and is hard-working. He works for my mother who, upon noticing the intimacy with him, warned me critically and mentioned she doesn’t like him. However I’ve executed my analysis and he’s an amazing man. He has had a tough previous, however he’s modified. Now we’re retaining all the things about us secret. I’m confused. Ought to I let him go? — Leaving Him Hanging

Sure, I feel you must let him go in order that he might discover somebody who doesn’t go away him hanging, who values his character, and who isn’t persuaded sufficient by snobby members of the family to query whether or not liking an individual rather a lot makes up for his not making a lot cash.

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You probably have a relationship/relationship query I may also help reply, you may ship me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.

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