17th April 2024


(Editor’s Word, this letter was written earlier than Doc’s dying in August, 2020 however nonetheless related as Doc’s ideas are timeless).

Hey Doc,

I’ve been associates with a woman named Ghislaine for 2 years, and he or she is without doubt one of the finest associates I’ve ever had. The issue: I’m head over heels in love together with her and would marry her tomorrow if given the chance. Ghislaine and I went on one official “date” a couple of months after we met, however neither of us pursued something extra after that. She is aware of that I’ve had sturdy emotions for her at totally different occasions, though I believe she’s not sure of how I at the moment really feel as a result of I simply obtained out of a brief relationship with one other girl. My emotions for Ghislaine have all the time been stronger than her emotions for me; nonetheless, she has instructed me a number of occasions that she “thought” she had emotions for me past friendship and that she tells herself that she needs to be loopy about me.

About six months in the past, we went out for dessert at a pleasant place. I walked her house, and I attempted to kiss her. She initially requested me what I used to be doing, however then obtained very “wishy-washy” about it. She stuttered issues like: “Properly possibly….” “I don’t know if I can do that….” “Properly, okay….” Ultimately I simply mentioned “Have a great evening and I’ll speak to you later” and I left. She later instructed me she wasn’t inquisitive about me, and issues had been awkward between us for some time. So I don’t learn about this.

Six months later, Ghislaine continues to be my finest pal and I’m completely loopy about her. We do issues that resemble a courting relationship on a regular basis, however don’t have anything bodily or formally. All of the whereas Ghislaine casually dates different guys. What can I do to step this up past a friendship? I’m DEEP into the pal zone, however I believe there’s some potential for attraction on her finish – I simply must by some means spark it.

Thanks, Doc.

Nelson – who’s past pissed off

There are a whole lot of movies on Doc’s YouTube Channel – listed here are the newest ones:

9/12/2023 – She’s speaking about different guys after courting him a couple of occasions???
9/16/2023 – Relationship Girls Radio Present Episode 7:  SLOW DOWN
9/19/2023 – Execs and Cons of courting at work (Relationship Girls Radio Present Episode 8)

Hello Nelson,

Let me inform you one thing: while you’re in love along with your pal, you shouldn’t even be seeing her. As a result of what’s going to occur if you happen to hold seeing her is that you simply’re going to get pissed off — nothing however pissed off. This complete factor is nothing however a waste of time. In addition, you’re all the time going to be beating your head in opposition to the wall, and each time Ghislaine mentions that she’s seeing one other man, you’re going to be dying on the within. Just like the previous saying in gross sales goes, “If it’s too scorching within the kitchen, get out!”

Nelson, let me ask you one thing. After your first date with Ghislaine, why didn’t you observe up with a second and third date? Your drawback is that you simply’re not using “The System.” MY BOOK IS A GAME PLAN IN WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A COMPLETE STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH A DATING RELATIONSHIP. You’ll exit on one date with a woman, you then’ll wait per week to go on a second date, then a 3rd date and fourth date and so on. On each step of the best way you will have clear pointers to observe and also you gained’t be confused by no matter will get thrown at you. And also you’re going to proceed following this tried and true technique till the woman blows you off — or she falls in love with you.

However Nelson, you don’t have any sport plan – you don’t have any sport, interval. To you Psych majors; there will probably be no room for error if you happen to observe my strategies.

So Ghislaine doesn’t understand how you are feeling about her now. Nelson, what’s the matter with you? This babe ought to by no means have identified you had emotions for her within the first place. When you’d adopted my ideas, you’d have identified that Ghislaine ought to have been the one to understand that she has emotions for you. At that time she would have requested you to not be her pal anymore. You’re doing issues, pal, however you’re doing every little thing backwards.


Your emotions for Ghislaine are stronger than hers for you? What a shock! That’s the understatement of the century! I believe I’ll let the Guinness E book of World Information in on that one!

In fact Ghislaine needs to be loopy about you, Nelson – however she isn’t. My pal, the Actuality Issue says, “While you see one thing, imagine it now.” This woman is struggling to love you, don’t you get that? And have you learnt what which means? It signifies that her Curiosity Degree is simply 40% to 49%. And nothing begins until Curiosity Degree is 51%. (P.S., that’s why you’re solely her pal!)

Ghislaine didn’t kiss you as a result of she has completely zero romantic curiosity in you. However because you haven’t invested in my supplies, a lot much less memorized them, you’ve been losing all of your time with this woman. You’ve been hanging round her for 2 complete years. Nelson, on a regular basis you’ve been doing this you must have been hustling different women who such as you romantically. However no, you’d quite fritter your priceless time away with anyone you might have zero probability with within the romance division.

In fact issues had been awkward between the 2 of you. Ghislaine is aware of you dig her romantically, and since she doesn’t dig you again, it might stand to cause issues can be uncomfortable for her. You got here on together with her, she didn’t need to kiss you again, and now she feels stress from you. What else would you anticipate her to really feel?

I want this woman had the heart to simply inform you to get misplaced, so you may go and discover anyone else. It’s unhappy that she doesn’t minimize you unfastened. However she both likes the eye or she likes to play the friendship function, and also you associate with it. Now you’re as much as two and a half years with Ghislaine, and what do you must present for it?

Nelson, doesn’t it trouble you when this girl tells you about going out with different guys? And the way have you learnt all her courting is simply “informal?” What if it’s heavy? You don’t know what she does on her dates. She could possibly be scorching and heavy with a few guys and also you’re completely oblivious. You haven’t any clue in any respect what she’s doing with these different guys.

What are you able to do to step this up past a friendship? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Sure, you’re deep into the pal zone — and also you’ll be there for the remainder of your life. So face actuality and hustle another women.

However you continue to suppose there’s potential for attraction on her finish. You guys kill me. It is a one in 1,000,000 shot, man. You’ve been tailing this woman for over two years, she has zero Curiosity Degree in you and also you say there’s a spark?

Keep in mind, guys: as soon as a pal, all the time a pal.

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