4th December 2023

I’m a 59-year-old divorced man with two grown children, and my girlfriend is 38 and divorced with two children who’re 10 and 12. Now we have been in a dedicated relationship for a few yr and a half, and about six months in the past she and her two children moved in with me and the children enrolled in close by faculties.

I’ve been very lucky financially, and I’ve fearful at instances that she wouldn’t be fascinated with me if I weren’t as financially well-off as I’m. She is extremely stunning with a knock-out determine. She takes nice care of me, consistently bringing me meals at my workplace whereas I work, all the time writing me love notes, all the time doing considerate issues for me, and being very aggressive sexually, and so on. I, in flip, deal with her and her children very properly. We’re head over heels in love and had an unbelievable relationship—-until a few month in the past.

We had been on trip in Italy for 10 days. She thought I used to be going to suggest to her to get married on that journey, however I didn’t. After we received again dwelling, she was not appearing the identical, so I requested her what was unsuitable. She stated: “I really like you, however I’m not in love with you anymore.” I used to be TOTALLY blindsided. Till just a few days earlier, she had been telling me that I used to be the love of her life, and now she was telling me that she was not in love with me anymore. I used to be TOTALLY devastated!!!

I requested her why she felt like this and what I had finished unsuitable, and she or he stated I had not finished something unsuitable and she or he didn’t know why she felt this manner. After that, the connection received VERY dangerous for 2 days. I used to be extraordinarily harm, mad, confused, and so on. After two days of sheer hell the place she screamed each insult conceivable at me on the high of her lungs, I used to be capable of calm her down and she or he remained civil till she and her two children moved out every week later.

Now she says that she has made a horrible mistake and needs me again. She is saying now that she is head over heels in love with me and by no means desires to be other than me. She is attempting with ever ounce of her physique to do no matter it takes to get me again and she or he says she is not going to give up attempting till the day she dies. My downside: I really like her SO a lot! My coronary heart is saying “take her again,” however my mind is saying “maintain up, dummy.” I might love to listen to your ideas. — Nonetheless Head over heels in Love

Nicely, what’s it you need together with her? It seems like she wished marriage – she thought you had been going to suggest and also you didn’t and she or he was deeply upset about it. So, being head over heels in love together with her and figuring out she desires marriage and that she believed you had been going to suggest on this trip, why didn’t you? Are you involved that the love isn’t actual on her finish and that she’s solely fascinated with you in your cash? And, if that’s the case, I’ve to ask you actually: Is that such an enormous downside?

Previous to your trip, it sounds such as you had been getting the whole lot you wished out of your girlfriend. And it seems like her wants had been being met, too, apart from the dedication of marriage. If YOUR wants had been being met, why maintain again on assembly all of hers? In case your romantic thought of affection wasn’t fulfilled with the love notes, the hand-delivered meals to work, the nice intercourse, and the fixed care out of your girlfriend, what would fulfill you? Or possibly you had been/are afraid that after there was a dedication of marriage, your girlfriend would not really feel motivated to show herself as marriage materials?

Clearly, one thing was holding you again from making the proposal you knew your girlfriend hoped for and anticipating on this trip. And I’m undecided in case your fears had been realized by her response after you returned out of your trip, and the way her change of coronary heart now has affected your emotions, however you actually need to unpack why your head is telling you to “maintain up, dummy.”

I might make a listing for your self of the worst-case and best-case situations imaginable for those who had been to take your girlfriend again. Assuming the best-case state of affairs is the connection you had been having fun with along with your girlfriend minus the nagging feeling she wouldn’t be fascinated with you for those who weren’t well-off, are you able to be pleased with that if the nagging feeling doesn’t go away? Are you able to settle for that, yeah, your monetary success may be as engaging to her as her stunning face and knock-out determine are to you? And might you settle for that these issues about her are going to vary as she ages?

If even one of the best case state of affairs together with her leaves you unhappy, I don’t see how you’ve a future collectively. And even in case you are good with one of the best case state of affairs, what about her screaming match after your trip? If that’s a aspect of her you’ve by no means seen earlier than, does it change your emotions about her? Is her mood – or the specter of her mood – one thing you are feeling snug dwelling with for the remainder of your life?

Backside line: It seems like the facility on this scenario is generally yours. If you would like your girlfriend again, say the phrase and she or he’ll be again. Perhaps she gained’t even care about ever marrying you if she will be able to merely get pleasure from a cushty and loving life with you for some time longer. Then again, your energy dynamic is prone to change sooner or later, and that may not be one thing you’re snug with. I do suppose that so long as you’ve monetary consolation and she or he has two children she’s elevating, you in all probability don’t have to fret about her leaving you for good. However you would possibly end up weighing all the good things in opposition to periodic fights and the specter of her leaving you for those who discover your monetary scenario immediately adjustments. Is that sufficient for you?

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When you have a relationship/relationship query I might help reply, you may ship me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.

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